Today, I want to write about perfectionism. It’s a topic that keeps coming up for me and it also seems to be a topic that others are grappling with — it can stop us from starting a project, finishing a piece of work or trying something new.
However, perfectionism is a big topic and its root causes can be complex.
So instead of going deeper into the symptoms, I’m keen to share an approach with you that I find nourishing and useful when the desire to be perfect or to make something perfect is present.
Introducing wabi sabi
Wabi sabi is a form of Japanese aesthetics dating back to the 16th century when the term was coined by Japanese tee master and Zen monk Sen no Rikyū.
Like with many other Japanese concepts, genuine understanding cannot be achieved through words or language. The meaning of the words ‘wabi’ and ‘sabi’ changed over time and the loose translation or rather an interpretation that resonates with me comes from author Richard Powell who describes it as:
“Wabi sabi nurtures all that is authentic by acknowledging three simple realities: nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect.”
Wabi sabi celebrates imperfect beauty and accepts the natural cycle of life. We are reminded that all things including us and life itself are impermanent, incomplete and imperfect. This makes it impossible to achieve perfection.
What wabi sabi can teach us
I’m going to look at this from a work angle however these teachings can easily be applied to other areas of life.
Acceptance
Every day is different. Some days, I feel super motivated and proactively do things that require a lot of energy. On other days, I feel like hiding and leaving my comfort zone feels impossible. I know that trying and pushing hard on those days is unhelpful. But the voice in my head will continue to tell me a story about not being good enough and it’s in moments like these that I need to just accept what is. Rather than wanting to fix it right away, accepting the feelings that are present in this moment and showing compassion to my imperfect being is just want I need. Once I give space to these feelings and accept them, I’m often surprised at how quickly I get to come back to a neutral state and be able to focus on my work again.
Change is the only constant
If everything is always changing then nothing can ever be complete. And since perfection requires things to be complete, it also means that nothing can ever be perfect.
To remind myself of this is tremendously helpful especially when I find it hard to finish something. For example, when writing an article such as this one, I can spend the whole day on it and still be dissatisfied with the outcome. Why? Because I want it to be ‘perfect’. But even if I manage to write the ‘perfect’ piece (which is also highly subjective), within a week someone else could come along and include a new piece of research or presents the content in a more compelling way.
Permission to be ourselves
Wabi sabi doesn’t advocate that we now start doing a sloppy job or that we stop caring about spelling mistakes in our writing and call it ‘wabi sabi’. Instead, it asks us to be authentic, to be ourselves and do our best without worrying about achieving unattainable goals.
I sometimes find it difficult to finish something because of a desire to live up to a specific standard. For example, when I sit down to write a meditation and come from a place of wanting to create a beautiful and moving meditation in the style of Tara Brach or Sarah Blondin, I suddenly feel blocked and keep discarding anything I write because I feel that my writing is just not as ‘perfect’ as theirs. In the midst of that, I tend to forget that I’m unique and that this needs to be reflected in my meditations. Perfectionism will not matter once I’m able to lean into this and then I can write something that represents who I am right now — perfectly imperfect.
Does wabi sabi resonate with you? How are you approaching perfectionism? What do you do when it stops you from doing your work? I would love to hear from you.