How to be more self-compassionate

Lately, I’ve been thinking about self-compassion a lot and how I could be kinder to myself on the days I need it most. 

I’m sure most of you can somewhat relate to this – we make plans and have work to do, but then something doesn’t go according to plan or we fall ill. Those are the moments we need to be self-compassionate.

So what actually is self-compassion? It consists of three different elements. 

 

Self-kindness, Mindfulness and Common Humanity

Self-kindness asks us to stop the negative internal voice and be kind to ourselves. To treat ourselves like we would treat our best friend when they failed at something, have been let down or are unwell. To be supportive and encouraging rather than critical.

Mindfulness is another important element of self-compassion. Here, we are asked to look at our experience moment by moment without judgement, resistance or avoidance. Acknowledging how a situation or event makes us feel, allowing the emotions associated with it and being with our pain. 

Common Humanity goes one step further and it brings the awareness to our suffering that we are not in this alone. No one is perfect and every human being feels pain and suffers at some point in their life – the circumstances and the degree of pain might be different but the underlying experience is universal.

With this in mind, it feels useful to ask how can we cultivate more self-compassion in our everyday lives so that we can better support ourselves in times of struggle, big or small.

I’m a big fan of Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer’s ‘The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook’, I love the exercises in their book. Below, I’m going to introduce you to one of the exercises. Grab a journal or piece of paper and a pen and reflect on the following questions which are designed to help you notice the different ways you already care for yourself as well as to think of new ideas to practise self-compassion. 

Physical

  • How do you care for yourself physically (e.g. exercise, massage, warm bath, a cup of tea)?
  • Can you think of new ways to release tension and stress that build up in the body?

 

Mental

  • How do you care for your mind, especially when you’re under stress (e.g. meditate, watch a funny movie, read an inspiring book)?
  • Is there a new strategy you’d like to try to let your thoughts come and go more easily?  

 

Emotional

  • How do you care for yourself emotionally (e.g. journal, cook, draw)?
  • Is there something new you’d like to try?

 

Relational 

  • How or when do you relate to others in ways that bring you genuine happiness (e.g. meet with friends, send a postcard, play a game)? 
  • Is there any way that you’d like to enrich these connections?

 

Spiritual

  • What do you do to care for yourself spiritually (e.g. pray, walk in the woods, help others)?
  • Is there anything else you’d like to do to nurture your spiritual side? 

 

I hope these questions are helpful and ignite more self-compassion for you too.